Iain Plank

Ok, so we’re on this train…..

The Nullarbor Plain
I woke up at 4:30am to see the dawn (don’t worry – it wasn’t intentional) and the view from the window was spectacular simply because there was absolutely nothing to see – just mile upon mile of flat barren countryside – the
Nullarbor Plain ! When it had got dark some 17hrs later there was no discernable difference to the landscape. It looked exactly the same !! Now it’s hard for a Pom to understand distances like that. We had pretty much gone the distance from Lands End to John O’Groats and had seen nothing ! Tell a lie, we did go through a town (I know it was only a town because there was no McDonalds or Dick Smiths Electrical Store). In fact Hamlet would probably be a better description. There were about 10 houses (most of them seemingly unoccupied), a small shop and an even smaller school. It had an outdoor swimming pool which for some reason was full to the brim with gravel (probably to stop evaporation) and an “Evacuation Point”. I couldn’t understand the Evacuation Point. Evacuate from what exactly ?? Besides, the train (the means of evacuation) only came through twice a week – hardly a speedy getaway.
If you’re interested in a summer holiday at this place – sun and privacy basically guaranteed – it’s called Cook and it’s in the middle of absolutely nowhere.

Adelaide
Thirty-two hours after leaving Kalgoorlie we arrived in Adelaide the capital of South Australia and the “City of old people and churches”. I wasn’t sure exactly what to expect (apart from the churches and old people) but I was pleasantly surprised. Buzzing Metropolis it isn’t but a clean, pleasant city with lots of amenities it is. It was a good chance to catch up with some ‘housekeeping’ tasks which needed to be done. I even got my hair cut, not that you’d notice !!
Just outside Adelaide is the famous Barossa valley, world re-renowned for its wines. As some of you know I adore drinking wine and couldn’t resist a tour of some of the Wineries. We visited Penfolds, Jacobs Creek, and a few others that I can’t even remember the names of – probably because I couldn’t quite get the hang of spitting out the wine after tasting it – it seems like such a waste !!
Our intention was to spend a couple of days there and then to hire a car for a one-way trip to Melbourne via the Grampians and the Great Ocean Road. Our plan, however, was going horribly pear-shaped. With Christmas fast approaching, no car-hire company wanted to let their cars out on a one-way trip. We tried to get relocations but even that didn’t work. We booked the Greyhound as a last resort and phoned the hire places everyday to see if anything was available. Finally we got lucky !!
Britz-Australia, a campervan company had a van that they wanted taken back to Melbourne. It usually costs $296 a day to hire – we got it for $26 a day, split between 5 of us, and they even threw in $100 worth of free fuel !! An amazing deal ! It was a beast though – 6.4m long, 2.6m wide and 3.2m high – like driving a bus !!

The Great Ocean Road
The Great Ocean Road runs between Warrnambool and Torquay and was built as a memorial to those that died in World War I. It’s over 300km long and has, reputedly, some of the most stunning coastal scenery in the world.
To be honest, that summary isn’t far wrong !! There are the amazing beaches and cliffs that have been
eroded by years of pounding waves to leave huge pillars and arches such as the 12 Apostles and London Bridge but also large forested areas such as the Otway National Park that affords tremendous views of the whole area. All dead impressive.
Have you ever seen ‘Point Break’ the film with Keanu Reaves and Patrick Swayze where, at the end, Brodi (played by Mr Swayze) goes surfing off to his imminent death ??? Well, that was filmed at Bells Beach just outside of Torquay. Amazing huh ? All this amazingly useless information that you didn’t know you needed to know….and its all free, just part of the service !! The beach, by the way, isn’t that spectacular. Doh !!

Melbourne
There are two words that spring to mind when someone mentions the word ‘Melbourne’ – ‘Cold’ and ‘Wet’ !! Previously, everyone was telling me how lucky I was to be heading south for the Australian summer – if this is summer, God only knows what winter is like !! To be honest, it wasn’t always raining – Christmas Eve and Christmas Day were absolute scorchers, but what is it they say – 2 swallows don’t make a stunner (or was it summer ?!?) anyway…..
Melbourne (and to honest, Australia in general) didn’t feel particularly Christmassy. They have the decorations and trees etc but there’s something about walking around in over 30 degree heat with blue skies and your sunnies on that doesn’t lend itself to feeling Christmassy.
This will impress you: On Christmas Eve I went to Mass (church)! Admittedly the dominant reason was that it was easier to get a lift to the pub afterwards but hey, don’t knock it !!
Pip, a Melbournian, whom I had originally met when counting Cycads in Darwin and then again in Perth, was kind enough to invite me and another friend, Andy, to her families home for Christmas dinner. It was great and not so dissimilar to a British Christmas Lunch – apart from the whirring of the Aircon !!
On Boxing day the plan was to see the India v Australia Boxing Day Test and the Melbourne Cricket Ground. I say ‘plan’ because surprisingly, it rained !! We all ended up drinking slabs of beer and generally having a laugh although the rain did eventually stop for long enough to allow us to catch the last hour or so of the cricket. It was strange, there were eight of us there, and it suddenly occurred to me that I hadn’t known any of them prior to Christmas Eve and suddenly we were spending Boxing Day together ! So is the travelling life.

A few days off…
After Christmas, Pip suggested that we all go away for a few days to see some of the area around Melbourne.
First stop was the William Ricketts sanctuary just outside Olinda in the Dandenongs Ranges. William Ricketts (1899 – 1993) was a white Australian sculptor who was inspired by the indigenous population and their affinity with the land. He created a woodland park in which his work rises out of the natural features of the forest portraying Aboriginal people and also decrying the abuse of the land and its indigenous people by the white man. An fascinating place.
We then headed down to Wilsons Promontory, or ‘the Prom’ as its known, which is the most southerly point of the Australian mainland. There we walked for hours through Eucalyptus forests in the hope of seeing Koala’s – nothing !! We gave up and went to the beach and ironically saw one in a tree by the side of the road as we headed home. Koalas are dead cool and it was great to see a wild one from only a couple of metres away.
On New Years Eve we headed back towards Melbourne, stopping first at some excellent wineries for wine
quaffing on the Mornington Peninsula and then to one of the most spiritual experiences imaginable.
Many memories of mine, specially from college, are linked to a small cul-de-sac in the eastern Melbourne suburbs. During those years I glimpsed into the lives of a small band of people – I heard their laughs, saw their tears and wondered how they could afford the plastic surgery that made certain characters change their physical appearance overnight without anyone else seemingly noticing. I am talking, of course, of Ramsey Street and Neighbours !! It’s actually call Pin Oak Court and is much smaller than you’d ever imagine but it was strange seeing it ‘in the flesh’ so to speak, and thinking of Kylie and Jason, Mrs. Mangle and Joe, Daphne and the guy with big ears (whose name I can’t remember), and the best actor in the whole show… Bouncer the dog !!

New Years Eve
So where was I for the biggest party that the world has ever known ?? A group of us got together, had some drinks etc and then went into the city, sat on the banks of the Yarra river and watched the fireworks over Melbourne. Very relaxed and pleasant.

Where next ?
Time for me in Oz is beginning to run out as I need to fly to Fiji at the beginning of March. So it’s time to start heading up the east coast to Cairns. I’ll let you know how I get on another time.

Till then take care.

Iain